Intensities in Ten Suburbs

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It’s All About Me: The Playoff / Unployment Beard (Pt. 3: The Final Chapter)

Posted by Andrew Unterberger on October 31, 2008

The end is the beginning is the end


Ah, it seems like only yesterday that the first few facial hairs of hope started to grace my heretofore unscuzzled visage. I look back at those initial glimmers of promise now and chuckle at how young I was, and how far I’ve come in the 42 days since. Not that I’m quite at Hermit Assassin in Amores Perros level fuzziness now or anything, but I think it’s actually dangerously close to a real beard–not graceful, by any means, and with more holes than an M. Night Shyamalan twist, but furry enough that I actually worry about shit getting caught in my face when I eat now. Examine the evidence:

And they said it couldn’t be done.

Unfortunately, it looks like it’s time for TPUB to go. For one thing, the Phillies (as anyone who has come within miles of this blog or myself should know by now) have won the World Series, and while I never specified what I would do with TPUB if the Phillies won in the playoffs, I feel like I should commemorate the occasion in some way beyond blasting Philly Soul and dancing in my 2008 Championships T-Shirt. Not to mention, I do have an interview coming up this Monday for a job I’m actually semi-excited for, and obviously, the beard has crossed the level from endearingly half-assed to where the hell is he going with this? status again. So I either need to shave it or trim it, and I’m not confident enough in my trimming abilities to be confident that I wouldn’t just make it look weirder. Plus, I’m going as a scruff-less figure for Halloween. Thus, Everything Must Go.

That said, I’m really going to miss the damn thing–so much so that I expect my hand will be quivering as I run the cheap disposable razor down my face for the first time in a month and a half. It gave me an air of confidence, a feeling of maturity, and something to rub when I was in moments of deep contemplation. My mother and one or two of my friends even tried to convince me that it looked good on me in some stages, and at points I was even inclined to believe them. I might want to grow it back at some point–hopefully when I’m already employed and don’t have to worry about people’s judgement while I’m in the tweener stages, and with the knowledge and experience this time to be able to tame it, and craft it so that I don’t just look like I glued a bunch of pubes to my face or something.

Goodbye, old friend. Maybe we’ll meet again someday.

R.I.P. The Playoff / Unemployment Beard, Sept. 12th – October 31st

3 Responses to “It’s All About Me: The Playoff / Unployment Beard (Pt. 3: The Final Chapter)”

  1. Sam Skeen said

    Sad to see it go. Definitely bring it back sometime.

  2. i haven’t shaved in six days and i already have a more respectable beard than that.

  3. You looked like Danger Mouse with that summer beard, pimp

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