Listeria: IITS’ Top Ten Attractions for Wayfaring Strangers
Posted by Andrew Unterberger on March 5, 2008
Seek and ye shall find
I delayed the moving of this blog from the Stylus server to its new home at WordPress for about as long as I possibly could. Mostly out of laziness, but I’m also just not a very big fan of change–there was nothing particularly exciting or novel about the blog’s old location, but it was safe and relatively comfortable. However, had I known about all the new features that come with this new server, I would’ve been clamoring for an exit long ago. For no amount of safety can compete with the visceral rush my new blog provides me–the rush of stats.
You may or may not realize this, but we here at IITS now know everything about you, dear reader. We know how often you visit the site. We know what articles you read, and how many times you read them. We know what links you click on to get to IITS, and we know what links you click on once you’re here. But most importantly–to this article at least–we know what you google for to find us. Most times, it’s something innocent enough–usually “intensities in ten suburbs,” “andrew unterberger,” or something related to Cheetos (seriously, I should be getting a healthy chunk of change for all the buzz I’m sending their way). But occasoinally, there’s an aberration that’s unusual enough to make tracking the whole thing worthwhile.
Here’s ten that I find mildly chuckle-worthy, hopefully to be improved upon tenfold in the months to come. And before the next time you shortcut to the site by googling for Lindsay Lohan nude, remember: Big Brother is Watching.
10. “Transformers Movie + Robbed Oscars”
Referred To: Oscar Sweep ’08: Oh Well
Yeah, I thought Jon Voight’s 30 year Oscar drought was finally coming to an end as well. And can you believe Anthony Anderson’s never even been nominated?
9. “Sophie B. Hawkins Nude”
Referred To: Combination of Listeria: The Top Ten Artists That Have Never Written a Love Song and I Sez: Bravo, LL
Good to know that ol’ Sophie still packs ’em in (incidentally, I haven’t the faintest idea what Sophie B. Hawkins looks like). Oh, and unsurprisingly, this won’t be the last nudity-related item on this list.
8. “Don’t Worry Sir I’m From the Internet”
Referred To: Any number of possibilities
Figures that I need to spy on my readers to find out what is going on on the Internet these days.
7. “Jane Wiedlin Hot”
Referred To: Say Anything: The Bangles’ “Walk Like an Egyptian”
So tasty is the ex-Go-Go / current-future-dominatrix that her fans apparently do not even demand nakedness from her net appearances. Impressive.
6. “Fuck No You’re Not Better. You’re in Suc–“
Referred To: No Idea
Unfortunately the Search Engine Terms for my blog appears to have a character limit, so I might never know the full phrase that brought this particularly angry web browser yonder.
5. “Tilda Swinton Nude in Orlando”
Referred To: I Sez: Bravo, LL
Thanks to the tenacity of a particular commentor, a brother-in-arms was directed to IITS in his search for hott nekkid pixxxof the sweatiest Oscar winner in recent memory in her most tantalizingly gender-bending role. A handsome woman, indeed.
4. “Waterpolo Erotic”
Referred To: Combination of I Sez: Bravo, LL and For the Love of God: No More “Will Ferrell as Dumb Athlete” Movies
[Water Sports joke]
3. “Stuff Indian People Like”
I dunno if they were searching for an anologue site or just doing field research. Like the time I found my Indian roommate’s mix CD entitled “Music for White People”.
2. “Christina Buffo Dog”
1. “Is Marlo Stanfield Gay”
Referred To: Combination of Down to The Wire: The Final Act and Down to the Wire: The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Sobotka
Uh, is he? You tell me, inquisitive reader.