Take Five: Marlo Stanfield Must Die
Posted by Andrew Unterberger on February 7, 2008
Romeo, John Tucker, Surf Nazis, Marlo. Mild spoilers.
Now that the Patriots have officially been vanquished, we can return to Pop Culture’s true Public Enemy #1: Marlo Stanfield. The man’s had it coming ever since he started fucking with Bodie back in S3, but this season his villainy has reached new heights, engineering family-wide assassinations based only on rumored insults, having much-beloved Omar mentor Butchie tortured and killed, and finally taking out the most humble man in the biz, the almost-always loveable Proposition Joe. Growing colder and more powerful by the day, it’s the one thing fans know the want for certain by the end of The Wire–Marlo Stanfield needs to GET GOT.
To this end, I have arranged the following set of suggestions as to how David Simon and friends could hope to best handle the death of what has become the show’s primary and most-hated antagonist. Doesn’t matter terribly much which one he chooses, as lord knows it didn’t matter which of my five dream scenarios the Patriots chose to lose by (ended up being a sort of combination of #2 and #5). But it’s gotta be one of ’em. So here goes:
- As Dookie continues to agitate his way up the Stanfield crime ladder, and as Michael’s loyalties come further into question as he performs more and more unconscionable acts, eventually Marlo and his cronies give Mike the assignment of hitting the Dook to prove his commitment. At the last minute, Michael rediscovers his humanity and can’t pull the trigger. Enraged by the betrayal, Marlo orders Chris and Snoop to take care of both of them, but Mike outdraws both, and then has no choice but to kill Marlo, who can’t believe his empire was taken down by such a punk kid. This is exactly how it would end if The Wire was a shitty TV show. I’d take it.
- Similarly, increasingly frustrated at his inability to prove his masculinity to his fellow corner kids, Dookie takes it upon him to assassinate the unsuspecting Marlo himself. His constituents are only mildly outraged, and instead angle for positions under the new, Dookie-led administration of the Stanfield business. It’d be something like this:
“Hey, Dook, what do we do about Chris?”
(Awkward pause as Chris sweats, nervously)
“You wanna job, Chris?”
(Chris chuckles nervously, relieved)
“Sure, Dookie. Sure.“
- Omar vs. Marlo. Pistols at sundown. Marlo cheats but Omar beats him to death with his fake gun anyway.
- Marlo gets picked up by the cops on some mildly trumped-upcharge, and before Levy can properly spring him, they make sure he’s placed in the same cell block as Avon Barksdale, who is now essentially at top of the prison food chain. “Welcome home, cuz,” Avon greets him, unbeckling his belt.
- Marlo gets in good with the Greeks, eliminates them, gets in touch with their supplier, eliminates them, then gets a hold of the people that grow the shit and eliminates them, until he single-handedly runs the entire drug trade of the Western Hemisphere. Now a celebrity, and having accomplished all he set out to accomplish, Marlo quickly realizes the mistakes he’s made over the course of his life, and realizes just how lonely it really is at the top (though, like 50 Cent, he tells SPIN and BLENDER otherwise). Eventually, Marlo becomes bored with his lifestyle and despondent over his past, uh, indiscretions, and takes his own life. “Something Against You” by the Pixies plays in the background.
Anyone else have ideas? Save the torture details for the Jigsaw Must Die e-mails, though, please.