Intensities in Ten Suburbs

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Take Five / Commercial Break: Things Bugging Me in Commercials Right Now, Jan ‘08 Edition

Posted by Andrew Unterberger on January 12, 2008

1. The guy in the “Priorities” commercial for Monticello Student Loans. “Excuse me…there must be something wrong with my eyes…coz I can’t take them off chu…” You’d think that considering this is pretty much the only hook for the commercial, they could’ve actually gotten someone legitimately foreign (or at the very least, someone who sounds legitimately foreign) for the role, instead of some asshole unsure of whether the accent he’s going for is supposed to be French, Spanish or Italian.

2. The smile on Sean Hayes’ face after Jack Nicholson responds to his confirmation of how proud he is of his Dad with “no one cares what you think” in the Bucket List preview. Dude is beaming like a motherfucker, as in “That’s right, Dad…no one DOES care what I think!” Stand up for yourself a little, Sean.
3. Five Words: “What happened was: People freaked.” I’m sorry, until people start pulling Falling Downs and taking restauranteurs hostage out of anger and frustration over the loss of BK’s signature sandwich, you don’t get to say that people “freaked.” I mean, c’mon, it’s like

“I’d like a Whopper please.”

“Sorry, we don’t carry that anymore.”

“Wait, seriously?”

WOAH MAN, YOU WANNA STOP FREAKIN’ FOR A SEC??

4. Even in TV commercials, belief can only be suspended so far. So you got a bunch of animals singing, that’s cool. You don’t wanna tell me how a wolf is able to jump out of the sky into a Jeep sunroof, that’s cool. But you actually expect me to believe that anyone–Man or Squirrel–knows how the verses to fucking “Rock Me Gently” go? Not happening, sorry.

5. The simmering, but stubbornly unacknowledged homoerotic tension in the Charles Barkley / Dwayne Wade “My 5” commercials. Just get it over with already–“Charles, do I really have to suck your cock to get in Your Five?” “Duhwayne, if you wanna get in My Five, that’s the least you can do.” And don’t even get me started on those Cuba / MJ Hanes commercials.

Honorable Mention: The entirety of those First Sunday ads.

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4 Responses to “Take Five / Commercial Break: Things Bugging Me in Commercials Right Now, Jan ‘08 Edition”

  1. Victor said

    I was so disappointed when I learned Andy Kim wasn’t Korean.

  2. Jason L said

    My favorite part about the Bucket List commercial is that Jack Nicholson looks like he’s a huge asshole. And judging by the full-length previews, this is clearly not what the advertisers have in mind. Which leads to the conclusion that Nicholson’s line to the gay guy from “Will and Grace” is supposed to be FUNNY, not mean. What kind of sadistic world do we live in??

  3. Anton said

    I am very much behind the latent homoerotica theory. I would even take one step further in a sinister direction, and say that there are very clear homoerotic daddy/son relationships, sexual emasculation, and sexual worship of one’s superior. Hot.

  4. […] now so far under my skin that I have no way to exorcise it besides using this forum. I’ve long been obsessed with the Wade-Barkley MyFive series, which at their peak reached a scintillating, Mulder and […]

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