Intensities in Ten Suburbs

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Livebloggin’: The 2007 Emmys

Posted by Andrew Unterberger on September 16, 2007

Britney Spears-free, probably

All right, so let’s get the obvious prelimenary stuff out of the way:

  1. Friday Night Lights and The Wire received a sum total of 0 major nominanations, thus rendering the award totally meaningless.
  2. Ryan Seacrest will be hosting, thus rendering the show totally unwatchable.
  3. Kathy Griffin already won one of these bad boys last week, thus rendering the award not only totally meaningless, but arguably a shameful possession.
  4. No one cares about the Emmys anyway.

But honestly, what am I gonna do, not write about them? It’s TV, it’s awards, it’s awards given to TV. On TV. With TV people in the audience! Let’s see who’ll be joining the prestigious ranks of Marg Helgenberger and the retarded guy from L.A. Law. C’mon, it’ll be fun.

  • 8:00 P.M. “Please welcome, from The Family Guy, Brian & Stewie Griffin!” I guess it’s better than Seacrest trying his hand at a musical intro. Well-timed potshots at Scrubs, Two and a Half Men and the cast of Desparate Housewives (they’re old!) And the cut to T.R. Knight in the audience after an Isaiah Washington joke–and his “oh shit, I’m probably on camera now, right?” reaction–doubtlessly going to go down as one of the night’s highlights.
  • 8:04 P.M. Ryan Seacrest does his opening monologue. Some predictable American Idol jokes, something about Angus Jones (?), attempted flirting with Eva Longoria mixed with comments about her shoes–eh, at least you feel like he’s trying, but you really can’t have it both ways, and frankly, he should probably stick with being the blandest TV personality in the universe.
  • 8:07 P.M. Ray Romano is possibly the only celebrity in existence that sounds more like himself than any of his imitators. His opening bit runs even longer than Seacrest’s, and already tells the evening’s second joke about the Sopranos finale. Whoops, the show accidentally cuts out one of his Frasier jokes–damn, there’s no way that’s still going to be topical by the time it hits YouTube!
  • 8:11 P.M. Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy series.
    • Prediction: Rainn Wilson for The Office
    • Should Be: Neil Patrick Harris for How I Met Your Mother
    • Actual Winner: Jeremy Piven for Entourage. Yeah, all right, Piven could win Emmys for this from now until Entourage goes off the air in 2017, but Rainn Wilson really was due, and obviously Neil trumps all. NPH’s time’ll come soon enough, though.
  • 8:14 P.M. Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series.
    • Prediction: Masi Oka for Heroes
    • Should Be: Masi Oka for Heroes
    • Actual Winner: Terry O’Quinn for Lost? Wow, I haven’t seen any Emmy prelim stuff that implied that O’Quinn even had a shot at this. Not that I’m complaining, though–been kinda bummed with the third season of Lost, but Locke remains the show’s most consistently reliable and interesting characters. Definitely preferable to Michael Imperioli winning for a season he was barely in. Next year, though, let’s see some love for Josh Holloway.
  • 8:19 P.M. Hey, “Stars” by classic 90s dreampop / alternative one-hit wonders Hum is in a Cadillac commercial! Between this and their use of Lilys’ “Ginger,” I know what I’m buying with my post-grad checks.
  • 8:21 P.M. Uh-oh, Ryan makes an alcohol-related Abdul crack. “What?” she angrily mouths in the background. Seacrest backpedals, but the damage is done. Heh.
  • 8:23 P.M. Oustanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy
    • Prediction: Vanessa Williams for Ugly Betty
    • Should Be: Jenna Fischer for The Office
    • Actual Winner: Jamie Pressly for My Name is Earl. Hey, cool–Pressly’s character is sort of one note (though she’s a fucking symphony compared to Ethan Suplee) but she’s still a Comedy Night Done Right highlight, and she certainly appears to care about winning, so whatever, good for her. Plus, another award unclaimed by Two and a Half Men or Ugly Betty, so.
  • 8:26 P.M. Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Mini-Series (co-presented by Kyle Chandler, who should be lighting himself on fire or something in protest of his snubbing)
    • Prediction: who cares
    • Should Be: I dunno, I guess Aidin Quinn is kind of cool
    • Winner: Thomas Hayden Church for Broken Trail. Lifetime achievement win for his work on Wings, I guess.
  • 8:33 P.M. Ellen DeGeneres makes some doctor joke to Hugh Laurie, who wisely decides not to break the hearts of teenage girls worldwide by unleashing his British accent on them. Ellen presents a montage of “topical one-liners”–some Colbert, but not nearly enough. A minor tribute to Tom Snyder follows, which reminds me that I should probably be watching enough news to be able to say with certainty exactly who Snyder is.
  • 8:37 P.M. Surprise, surprise: Kevin Connolly can’t act in real life either.
  • 8:38 P.M. Outsanding Supporting Actress in a Drama
    • Prediction: People have been saying Sandra Oh, so fine, her
    • Should Be: I dunno, Katherine Heigl? Slow fucking year, and neither of those Sops noms did much of anything this year.
    • Actual Winner: Hey, Katherine Heigl. I still find her more bearable than anyone else on that show, now that Washington’s gone and Knight sucks. “My mom told me that I had no chance of winning, so I didn’t prepare anything.” Better start planning that Mother’s Day bouquet now, Kat.
  • 8:41 P.M. Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Program
    • Prediction: Bunch of people for The Daily Show with John Stewart
    • Should Be: Bunch of people for The Colbert Report
    • Actual Winner: Bunch of people for Late Night with Conan O’Brien. Works for me, though I’m pissed off about being 0-5 now. “I do have a speech, because Katherine Heigl’s mother said we would win”. Thin ice, boys–that kitten’s got claws.
  • 8:50 P.M. All right, Tony Bennett and Christina Aguilera! And they’re singing or something! Fascinating, invigorating stuff, that definitely is clearly relevant to the rest of the evening’s proceedings!
  • 8:53 P.M. Outstanding Directing for a Comedy, Music or Variety Program
    • Prediction: American Idol, people like that, right? Oh wait, that Tony Bennett thing was nominated? Shit.
    • Should Be: I dunno, Colbert deserves something
    • Actual Winner: Rob Marshall for the Tony Bennett thing. The Emmys are just as current and topical as the Grammys after all.
  • 8:55 P.M. Outstanding Lead Actor in a TV Mini-Series or Movie.
    • Prediction: uh
    • Should Be: Matthew Perry was in something serious? Hah.
    • Actual Winner: Robert Duvall for Broken Trail. Hard to argue with that I guess.
  • 8:58 P.M. More Vanessa Anne Hudgens naked pic jokes. Man, when even Ryan Seacrest is laughing at you, you’re not getting out of bed for a week or two.
  • 9:03 P.M. Queen Latifah’s tribute to the 30th anniversary of Roots, leading into an appearance by much of the series’ principal cast. Oddly, LeVar Burton is nowhere to be found. Not so oddly, neither is O.J. Simpson. They present the award for Outstanding Mini-Series:
    • Prediction: I dunno, Broken Trail seems like a safe bet at this point
    • Should Be: right
    • Actual Winner: All right, my first one on the money. To be fair, though, only three nominees, and The Starter Wife didn’t look like much competition.
  • 9:09 P.M. The orchestra plays the theme to How I Met Your Mother as Neil Patrick Harris takes the stage with Hayden Panettierre, all three people in the audience who watch the show nod in appreciation. A bunch of awards that have already been won (I think? Sort of confusing) are presented, including Alan Taylor’s work for directing The Sopranos (which at least he got for “Kennedy and Heidi,” by far the season’s best episode). and David Chase for writing The Sopranos (which of course, he got for series finale “Made in America”).
  • 9:21 P.M. I hope the pissed-off look on Rainn Wilson’s face isn’t just for the show’s sake.
  • 9:23 P.M. Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series
    • Prediction: The Daily Show with John Stewart
    • Should Be: Colbert’s pretty funny, c’mon
    • Actual Winner: Stewart wins. He must’ve won at least a half-dozen of these already, no? And next year’s an election year, so…dammit.
  • 9:25 P.M. Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Program
    • Prediction: Tony Bennett?
    • Should Be: Please not Tony Bennett
    • Actual Winner: Tony motherfucking Bennett. He’s like the Tom Joad of crappy award shows.
  • 9:28 P.M. Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Mini-Series or Movie.
    • Prediction: Whoever got nominated for Broken Trail
    • Should Be: Don’t care as long as its not Anna Paquin, due to her bitter rivalry with friend of IITS Andrew Weber (as long as she loses, he’s still technically having the more successful 2007)
    • Actual Winner: Judy Davis for The Starter Wife. Yawn.
  • 9:30 P.M. Something about how awesome TV is when it comes to doing good in the world. Sorry guys, as long as According to Jim is still on the air, you’re going to be fighting a losing battle.
  • 9:35 P.M. God, Back to You is going to be very bad.
  • 9:37 P.M. Outstanding Made for TV Movie
    • Prediction: Uh, Wounded Knee
    • Should Be: What the hell is Why I Wore Lipstick to My Vasectomy about?
    • Actual Winner: Wounded Knee, are we fucking done with the miniseries and TV movie awards yet???
  • 9:38 P.M. Jersey Boys doing a tribute to The Sopranos–clever, clever. What, are they not even performing new lyrics to apply to the Sopranos cast? What the hell is the point of that? C’mon, Steven R. Schirripa got burned on a nomimation for yet another year, seems like the least the Emmys could do would be to try to find a word that rhymes with “Baccalieri”.
  • 9:43 P.M. The Sops cast comes to stage–christ, there are a lot of these guys, huh? With this display of favoritism, it seems virtually impossible that The Sopranos could lose for Best Drama at this point.
  • 9:49 P.M. Outstanding Actress in a Mini-Series or TV Movie
    • Prediction: Messing maybe
    • Should Be: Someone else
    • Actual Winner: Helen Mirren for Prime Suspect: The Final Act. Woman’s a machine. “You Americans are very generous people!” Damn straight.
  • 9:52 P.M. Lewis Black is yelling at or about something. Is it too late to catch Anchorman on ABC?
  • 9:55 P.M. Outstanding Directing for a Mini-Series, Movie or Special or pretty much anything else except the shows I actually care about
    • Prediction, Should Be and Actual Winner: some dude
  • 9:57 P.M. Outstanding Writing for a Mini-Series, Movie or Special
    • Prediction, Shoule Be and Actual Winner: no wonder I’ve never actually sat through this fucking show end-to-end before, who the hell takes TV seriously enough to give a shit about these? I mean, if it’s not me, who else is there?
  • 10:00 P.M. “The Cha Cha Slide” is in a McDonalds commercial. The sad truth: I’m actually sort of excited about the chance to hear it daily.
  • 10:04 P.M. Creative Achievement in Interactive Television? Masi Oka and the guy who created MySpace have some internet conversation about Al Gore, maybe? I can’t be expected to keep track of this shit.
  • 10:08 P.M. Brad Garrett and Joely Fisher do some bantering, reminding everyone why the sitcom is dead. Some award for Outstanding Performance is presented, and once again:

Your fucking days are numbered, octogenarian.

  • 10:11 P.M. More awards that have already been presented, Guest Actor and Actress in a Comedy Series. Stanley Tucci (Monk) and Elaine Stritch (30 Rock) win. Could be the only gold 30 Rock sees this evening, so enjoy it while we can, I guess. Outstanding Direction in a Comedy Series goes to Richard Shepard for Ugly Betty, Outstanding Writing goes to Greg Daniels for The Office.
  • 10:23 P.M. “You know, this looked a lot less gay on the rack,” Seacrest says of his Henry VIII wardrobe. “Can I keep it?” Has any other TV personality ever tried so hard to cause such deliberate confusion over his sexuality?
  • 10:26 P.M. Who the hell invited Kanye West? He’s put into a mock-AI competition with The Office‘s Rainn Wilson over remembering the lyrics to his own songs. “Now remember, whoever loses this has to retire from show business,” host Wayne Brady remarks. “Not another!” Kanye cries. Sadly, this is by far the hippest the awards will get all evening.
  • 10:29 P.M. Outstanding Reality Competition
    • Prediction: Amazing Race wins this a lot, right?
    • Should Be: Five-way tie for last
    • Actual Winner: The Amazing Race, now uncontested for a half-decade. “We are so proud…to win this again,” the producer says.
  • 10:35 P.M. John Stewart and Stephen Colbert banter about the environmental merits of the Emmys. “If celebrities stop getting together to congratulate each other, THEN THE EARTH WINS!!!” Colbert concludes. Unimportant, though, I’d listen to these guys debate about sponges.
  • 10:39 P.M. Best Actor in a Comedy Series
    • Prediction: Steve Carrell for The Office
    • Should Be: Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock
    • Actual Winner: Ricky Gervais for Extras?? Wow, I don’t think anyone saw that coming. I’m shocked enough people watched the Extras tape to even vote for it.
  • 10:40 P.M. Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
    • Prediction: Edie Falco for The Sopranos
    • Should Be: Yeah, Edie Falco, why not
    • Actual Winner: Sally Field for Brothers and Sisters. Meh, I guess Falco has three already. This shit is a lot harder to predict than the Oscars. Uh-oh, Sally wanted to say something about the war that she wasn’t given time to. “If the mothers ruled the world, THERE WOULD BE NO GOD–” Someone at FOX is getting really proficient at hitting the “KILL” button tonight.
  • 10:44 P.M. Some people died last year. I don’t think I knew about Jack Palance. Pavoratti too, huh? Bummer.
  • 10:52 P.M. Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series.
    • Prediction: America Ferrera for Ugly Betty
    • Should Be: Tina Fey for 30 Rock
    • Actual Winner: America Ferrera. All right, so at least there is some rhyme and reason to this emmy business. Does it piss anyone else off that Ugly Betty is sort of hott? I mean, not an Eva Mendes or nothing, but for a show that’s supposed to be about accepting outsiders or something, couldn’t they have found some chick that was actually, y’know, ugly? I’m pretty sure there are a couple of ’em out there if you squint hard enough.
  • 10:55 P.M. Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series.
    • Prediction: Fuck it, I’m not going Gandolfini, I’m saying Hugh Laurie for House
    • Should Be: Laurie or Gandolfini are good for me.
    • Actual Winner: JAMES FUCKING SPADER??? I mean, don’t get me wrong, as a lifetime achievement you couldn’t possibly pile on enough awards on this guy, but for Boston Public? “I still have no idea who votes for these things,” Spader admits, sounding guilty as hell. What the fuck.
  • 11:02 P.M. Outstanding Comedy Series
    • Prediction: Ugly Betty?
    • Should Be: 30 Rock
    • Actual Winner: Wow, they actually gave it to 30 Rock. That almost makes up for everything else, no it doesn’t not really but you know. Hey, Emmy people, I know how to roll a die too, can I be on the voting committee next year?
  • 11:08 P.M. Outstanding Drama Series
    • Prediction: I dunno, let’s say Heroes ‘coz it makes no sense
    • Should Be: The Sopranos, sort of
    • Actual Winner: All right, so they gave it to The Sopranos after all. Looks very emotional for the cast of 22,371, presumably because they might not have a reason to be in the same room together until the ten year anniversary of The Russian’s disappearance or whatever. Fair enough.

Show suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. Blog it yourselves next year.

10 Responses to “Livebloggin’: The 2007 Emmys”

  1. Madam Deb said

    You’re live blogging, right? So what did Sally Field say????

  2. cb said

    hey, can you share more details on this rivalry anna paquin has? or email me about it. i am really curious

  3. Millie said

    Thanks for the recap…it was funny and made me glad that I choose to watch the baseball game over the Emmys.

  4. I’m glad I didn’t have the option to follow this like the times when I stayed up until 5am to watch the Oscars.

  5. billy said

    Wow, that Masi Oka sure does scrunch his face up real good.

  6. my kinetic android said

    Thanks for another awards show I know most everything about now without having to actually watch it.

  7. my kinetic android said

    Oh, and I’ve made the exact same argument about Ugly Betty’s star too! I’m glad I’m not alone.

  8. Sonja said

    I only cared about NPH, so I’m bummed.

  9. J. said

    LeVar Burton was on stage for the Roots thing and even spoke, did you have trouble recognizing him without his Star Trek shades on?

  10. Entourage said

    What a shame that Kevin Connolly was not nominated for an emmy! I think he plays Eric Murphy with such an understated manner, that he goes unnoticed in a crowd of comics. He is the straight man to Kevin Dillon, Jeremy Piven, and Jerry Ferrara. Kevin Connolly is Bud Abbott. It takes a great straight man in comedy to make your co-stars look so great. I hope Kevin Connolly takes Kevin Dillon and Jeremy Piven’s emmy nods, and Jeremy’s win, as a sign of how successful he is at making these guys look great.

    Adrian Grenier is also overlooked, because people don’t realize how brilliant he truly is…. he is nothing like the old Vince Chase- big spender, womanizing, looking for a good time. Adrian Grenier has a lot more substance than that, and it has started to show thru in Season 3B and 4 of Entourage.

    Can’t wait until Season 5. Hope the boys get a chance as Season 4 emmys next year, because both Kevin Connolly and Adrian Grenier put in stellar performances in Season 4. Unfortunately, sometimes these guys were all the drama in the comedy. I wonder if that confuses the committee.

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