Intensities in Ten Suburbs

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IITS Standing Order / Commercial Break: “Rip Things in Half” .Gif

Posted by Andrew Unterberger on August 13, 2007

Do it…..DO IT!!!!

Undoubtedly, if you’ve watched a shred of post-10:30 P.M. television in the last five or six months, you’ve seen this commercial at least once. Indeed, I’ve seen it far more than just once, especially sicne eventually I got to the point where just seeing it once on TV wasn’t enough anymore, and I would end up going to YouTube and rewinding the clip over three or four times to properly get my fix. It’s not even a very good commercial–in fact, I had to re-watch it just now to remind myself exactly what product it was advertising, and the connection between the commercial’s gimmick and the product it’s selling is a real fucking stretch.

But that dude. Oh, that dude. You know the one, he’s the only part of the commercial really worth remembering. I can’t even imagine how many people they auditioned to find just the right guy to yell “RIP THINGS IN HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALF!!while holding a coolatta in one hand and pumping his fist with the other, but goddamn was it time well spent. I just wish I possessed the technical wherewithal to put a freeze frame of the “RIP THINGS IN HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALF!!!!!” guy in all his ridiculous, metal-up-your-ass glory up there on the top of the page, to give him the immortality he deserves.

But then again, if I did, there probably wouldn’t be any need for this post. For you see, friends and well-wishers, ever since I first saw this commercial, my soul has itched for an endless loop of the RTIH guy, one I can watch for hours upon wasted hours, without having to sit through the rest of that otherwise largely unremarkable commercial. And that’s why I am prepared to make IITS’s first-ever STANDING OFFER:

.

$25 For a RTIHG .gif

.

That’s right. For a job that I imagine would most likely take competent internet folk at most a mere hour to complete, you can make yourself a princely, tax-free sum of $25. But before you get too excited at this hot proposition, let me just define the terms:

  • The .gif must be an appropriate size–say, anywhere in the 200-400 pixel range in height and width.
  • It must only consist of the Rip Things in Half Guy, and of no other part of the commercial.
  • In addition to the visual of seeing the RTIHG lip-synching his catchphrase, I would also like the phrase’s four words to appear on the screen, one at a time, as he says them. The appearance of the words should not obstruct the view of the RTIHG.

That should about do it. You can take your payment, once the .gif is provided, over paypal, or I can send you a check, or wire you the money, or personally fly to your continent of choice and deliver it to you in person, I don’t much care. And as the term “standing offer” implies, this offer is good for as long as IITS exists–that is, unless someone else takes it up first, at which point the deal of course becomes entirely null and void.

The $25 amount is negotiable, naturally. Wouldn’t push your luck too much on that, though, IITS’s World Series payday is still a couple months off.

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11 Responses to “IITS Standing Order / Commercial Break: “Rip Things in Half” .Gif”

  1. Katie said

    You mean, like this?

  2. I don’t really watch TV, so this post was my first exposure to that ad. And goddamn but that .gif is totally fucking hypnotic.

  3. anton said

    It looks like Keno from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze.

  4. Andrew Unterberger said

    Hey Katie–

    is there a way to make it play at normal speed? Or is it supposed to do that and my computer is just being slow?

  5. Victor said

    So this is what you’re wasting your share on?

    I’m using mine to hunt the most dangerous game of all…man.

  6. Katie said

    It’s playing at normal speed on my computers, so I don’t know what the problem would be.

  7. Andrew Unterberger said

    Well, it plays at pretty low speed on my comp, but I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt on this. E-mail me your info at fadeout95@gmail.com.

  8. Katie said

    Yeah, I don’t need your money… were you seriously willing to pay 25 bucks for that? Honestly, it takes less than five minutes to do in Animation Shop.

  9. Joe said

    Never seen this commercial. At least I finally saw that Chips Ahoy ad, only a mere six months after you wrote about it.

  10. […] after my readers came through beautifully on that “Rip Things in Half” .gif a year ago, they disappointed me terribly with their inability to help me properly document the […]

  11. Wikia…

    Wika mentioned this place…

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